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Things that Get my Panties in a Twist

by allison calder

Wanna know what torques me? What gets my panties in a twist? Welcome to my March bitchfest. Lucky for me, I get to complain in print. So sit back and hold on to your hats and glasses while I share my beef. Coming in at number 1 is:

Jazz flags on cars Whatís with those? I have newsÖno matter how nice your car is, as soon as you roll that flag up in your window, youíve boarded a one-way, non-stop flight to Whitetrashville.

Roommates Everyone knows where Iím going with this one. Even if theyíre the nicest people on the planet, everyoneís roommates bug at some point.

Figuring out Utah State Taxes Who the hell designed this system? You have to use some crazy formula thatís way too complicated. Iím sure next year youíll have to stand on one leg and figure it with your eyes closed.

Feminine product commercials WHY do they advertise? Itís not like we have a choice to use them or not. Itís not a food to like or not like. WE HAVE NO CHOICE! And why is the water always blue in the commercials?

My boyfriendís ex-wife Trust me on this oneóbesides itís my list.

UTA The Utah Transit Authority canít seem to make it through the impenetrable force field that is Parleyís Canyon. Not a problem: they can go to Ogden and south to who knows where. But NO WAY JOS… are they going through that canyon to Sin City.

Windshield wiper over-users Itís okay to have your wipers on high when itís actively raining, but the over-user keeps them on, even when the rain has stopped, and theyíre making that awful scraping sound on the windshield. When questioned, the over-user typically makes some defensive remark about how itís still misting, or thereís water coming off the road.

The Century 16 movie theater Donít get me wrong, itís a nice theater, BUT it bugs the hell out of me that I can never find a place to park. Then, I have to wait f-o-r-e-v-e-r in line to get a ticket, that is, if the movie hasnít sold out while Iíve been waiting. By the time I get the ticket, inevitably the theater is already full so I have to sit in the front and watch while getting a kink in my neck. Anyone whoís been there feels my pain.

Runners-up non-blinker users, people that leave their blinker on continually, political correctness, pushy people, mean people and finallyópeople that donít like Wild Utah.