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Pioneer Day Fun
Well, the coveted Pioneer Day has come and gone, but the memory still lingers. This is a special day where Utahans celebrate the rise of a state and a legacy. Most folks spend a nice day at the parade followed by barbecue fun with family and friends. Since we here at Wild Utah arent most folks, we decided to celebrate a little differently.
10 p.m. the night before - Warmed up the liver with a few drinks at the bar. Also slammed some shots for good measure.
10:45 - Remembered that tomorrow was a day off and proceeded to get shit-faced.
12:15 a.m. - Scrounged up last of change to purchase the last call beer. Found several attractive ladies and invited them back for an after-hours hot tub party.
12:16 - Turned down by attractive ladies, chugged beer, invited ugly ones and stumbled home in mass.
Pioneer Day 1 p.m. - Awake in a haze but still somewhat refreshed. Realize not alone in bed; chew arm off.
1:05 - Fix a screwdriver with remaining arm to lift the haze and thank the lord that we remembered to purchase liquor goods the day before.
1:15 - Repeat the above step until haze is gone and shove ugly chick out of the door. Should wave, but scratch groin region with remaining arm.
2:35 - By this time, a new cloud of haze is forming; remember we were having a party for the big day.
3:00 - Think about straighting up the house, but crack a beer instead and proceed to wander around town recruiting partygoers.
10:10 - First guests arrive and the carnage begins.
10:35 A group of 10 young ladies arrives and any previous fears of a Sausage Fest fade away into the night.
11:00 Line up multiple shots of Tequila and Bacardi, slam and repeat until everyone forgets their own name.
11:45 and 12:30 Cops arrive, as expected, with noise complaint and roommate almost goes to jail for mouthing off.
1:15 a.m. Party starts thinning out and several couples retreat for some premarital activity. The less fortunate continue to binge drink and decide some gambling would be a good idea.
3:00 All debts get paid and the party disperses.
3:00 p.m. next day Wake up with clothes and shoes on and realize we all missed work. Oh well, might as well crack a beer.
Pioneer Day is a special day in Utah history with good wholesome fun had by all. See ya next year.
