Stories

Rock Bands Hear the Call of the Wild

Harper Rules

Pickled Think

Kickin' the Habit

Jimmer

Not Your Everyday Candidate

Old Age Ain't for Sissies

How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity

Comics & Images

Phat Tat

Ski Bums

Archives

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

(and annoy others)

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom.

3. Insist that your e-mail address is: Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11. Finish all of your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13. Dont use any punctuation

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17. Sing along at the opera.

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19. Find out where you boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess."

24. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!"

25. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

26. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."

27. Every time you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here."

28. Start every sentence with "This one time at band campů"