Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
You might be an engineer if . . . …
… choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
… you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
… in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
… the sales people at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions
… at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
… you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
… you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
… you can type 70 words per minute but can’t read your own handwriting.
… you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
… you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
… you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
… you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
… you know what stands for.
… you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids’ toys together.
… you see a good design and still have to change it.
… you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
… you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
… you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
… you window shop at Radio Shack
… your laptop computer costs more than your car.
… your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
… you’ve already calculated how much you make per second.