Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Drink ‘till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding
Procrastinators Unite!… Tomorrow.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
I see your IQ test results were negative.
24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case …coincidence?
Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs…Boy do I love Congress!
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Three men are walking down the street. Two men walk into a bar, the third man ducks.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Mistress – something between a mister and a mattress
Gynecologist – a man who works and operates in another man’s field
Gynecologist – at your cervix, madam.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol