Kathmandu Temple Kiff – The online retailers of this stuff describe it like this: “This is a kiln blackened, crimson, very resinous, solid, pliable, extractual herbal formulation that is smoked in temple as a meditative contemplative prayerful catalyst.” When we received the package in the mail, we found several packages of “herbal” smokables, but only one looked like a bar of hash. When smoked, the intoxication is amazingly similar to marijuana (so we understand). You certainly won’t smoke it and say, “This stuff’s junk.” We just found out that the Temple Kiff we got was the old shit; the new stuff is called Kathmandu Temple Kiff 20X. It’s supposed to be stronger and better. We believe it. Best of all, it’s 100 percent legal. Temple Kiff is available online at www.legallystoned.com.
Viagra – Hugh Hefner claims Viagra is the greatest recreational drug of all time. We say it’s way up there. Directions for ingestion require waiting awhile after a “light” meal. Of course, Viagra is “not for women,” but women have certainly experimented with them. So each of you pops a pill (a 50mg dose is typical), then you just hang out. After about 20 minutes, both of you will probably get a tiny bit dizzy. You may start laughing, start to tingle, or experience any number of other slight side effects. When your vision starts turning blue, IT’S ON! This is the point when Mr. Happy suggests retiring to the bedroom. Typical sexual effects of Viagra are increased sensitivity; bigger, better and longer-lasting erections; a dumbed-down state of reason and emotion, and really, really excellent sex. The women in our study loved it. Viagra must be prescribed by a physician, but you all know how easy that is. It’s easily available online. 100mg pills usually sell for about $10 each; split each 100mg pill in half for two doses. Pfizer would have called it Xtasy, but even without a trademark, that name was taken.
Salvia Divinorium – Trip the light fandango. Though it was discovered sometime around the Sixties (back when those crazy Baby Boomers were smoking everything on God’s green Earth), Salvia is still legal in every state. And let’s just ask the question why. This shit is hard-core. Back in the days before you ever tried a hallucinogen, you had thoughts about what “doing drugs” was like: super trippy images, bizarre contexts and dreamlike weirdness. That’s exactly what Salvia does. In fact, it’s so extreme that if it weren’t for its ten-minute duration, I don’t think people would be smoking it much. Imagine a trip where your legs turn into the front end of a ’57 Cadillac with a bird’s beak that starts talking to you. Or imagine looking into a mirror and seeing your body split in two, with your arms hanging horribly and alien-like from separate half-beings you can’t even recognize as yourself. Sound fun? Salvia is available all over the Internet; if you want the full intensity of what we’re talking about, you’ll probably need to purchase the 5X or 10X extract. Yikes!