Seven bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth, will be sick on you. Your Approach: Pick her up out of the corner, brush her down and carry her home.
Drink: Cocktails with umbrella Personality: Stupid, annoying; dizzy, and a pain in the ass. Your Approach: Don’t go near her, unless you want to be her puppy dog.
Drink: Mixed Drinks – no umbrellas Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants and will take it. Your Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.
Drink: Wine – (bottled not 4 litre cask ) Personality: Tend to be conservative and classy, sophisticated. Your Approach: Try and weave travel, fashion and fine food into the conversation. Lie about what you do for a living. No farting or belching.
Drink: Smirnoff Ice type drinks Personality: Easy pull; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated, actually is a clueless f#ckwit. Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is (not difficult)…and you’re in.
Drink: Spirits Personality: Alcoholic slut who wants to get drunk and f#cked in that order Your Approach: Easiest pull in the bar. Nothing to do but wait until hammered then pounce. Warning – do not try to out drink, you will end up in hospital.
Then there is the male analysis…. The deal with blokes is, as always, very simple and clear cut.
Cheap Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants sex.
Premium Local Beer: He likes good beer and wants sex.
Imported Beer: He likes expensive beer and wants sex.
Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get sex.
Whisky: He doesn’t give two shits about anything or anyone and will punch anyone who will get in his way of getting sex. But will never get any.