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Bartender's Guide to Skirting the Utah Liquor Laws

1. If you drink bottled beer, take the glass option and pour your beer into the glass. This way, you can order another beer and have it sit in front of you (two drinks). Or, order the largest size beer you can; it will probably be 3.2, so drink fast and drink a lot.

2. If you don’t want to go that route, take advantage of the “Slam Law.” You may only have one drink in front of you at a time; so when you see your server heading back toward your table with your drink, zook whatever’s left in your glass in one gulp. Trade the empty for the full one, order another, and proceed to get shitfaced. 3

3. Lie to the doormen. “Yes, I have a membership.” (Doormen, please work with us on this one) If he calls you on it and you can’t produce your membership, ask him for a sponsor. If he won’t find you one, loudly ask if someone in the bar will sponsor you.

4. Buy liquor out of state It’s illegal to move across the state line, but generally cheaper than buying it here. Remove the “Unlawful to Remove” sticker from any Utah liquor store product and place it on any “out of state” liquor to make it look legal.

5. Metered shots and most other ridiculous Utah liquor laws do not apply to “Private parties.” A private party is “alcohol provided to invited guests without cost.” Run with this one. As long as you’re not charging for alcohol, you’re legal!

6. Take advantage of “Brown Bagging.” This Utah liquor law allows you bring alcohol into a restaurant (and even bars, but we’ve never tried that...) You’ll need to be sure the bottle has an ABCC sticker—regardless of where you bought it (see #3).

7. Let’s say it’s 3:00am and you need a drink. If you don’t have any liquor at the place where you sleep (or in your car), YOU CAN ALWAYS BUY shitty 3.2 BEER in grocery stores and 7-Elevens.

8. You can order a sidecar. This is an additional shot that you can pour into a drink.

9. When you order mixed drinks, tell the bartender not to use premium liqueurs like Kahlua. Evidently, Kahlua has to be metered. “Brand B” coffee liqueur which is considered a “secondary flavoring” to a drink can be poured without a meter, hence you get more alcohol.

10. If you do purchase alcohol in a Utah state liquor store, the best bang for your buck is sake. Five bucks will buy you a large bottle of fine sake; and at 12 to 20 percent alcohol, you can get plenty ripped with almost no hangover.