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Mullet Mania

by allison calder

The Mullet breed is everywhere. The hairstyle that swept the nation in the 70’s and 80’s is apparently here to stay. You may even have a Mullet sitting next to you right now. Also known as the S.F.L.B. (short front, long back), mud flap, hockey-head, soccer rocker, business-in-the-front-party-in-the-back, bi-level, squirrel pelt, shvelby, the 10/90, the Missouri Compromise, and a host of other titles, this quasi-do/cultural phenomenon was first brought to the nations attention in 1993 when the Beastie Boys apparently coined the term Mullet. Since then, the follicular wonder-style has been extensively researched and documented on the Internet. The best and funniest site I’ve found is www.MulletsGalore.com and is a must for anyone with a sense of humor. MulletsGalore has painstakingly classified and photographed the mullet kingdom. Their classifications include the CamaroMullet; the original 70’s Mullet; MidgiMullet, the highest mulitude per square inch; Fem-Mullet; and contrary to popular belief, not all Fem-Mullets are DykeMullets; and the Mulletard: a rare and “special” creature.

When I started looking around, I couldn’t believe how many Mullet websites were out there. There are websites for Mullet haters, Mullet lovers, and even an Adopt-A-Mullet site. Some of the others I found were: MulletGods.com, Mullethunters.com, Mulletfrenzy.com. You can even purchase “Mullchandise” on the Mulletjunky.com site. Basically, go to any search engine and search “Mullet,” and you will be transported to a world of people who might have too much time on their hands.

Ode to the Magnificent Mullet

by megan albertus

There’s nothing quite like a spectacular mullet,
One so perfect you want to reach out and pull it!

Coifed to perfection,
or balding on top
Each mullet I see I can’t help but stop-

And wonder about the people who sport such a style
So tasteless and tacky it just makes me smile!

An observant mullet hunter can usually find
Specimens sportin’ mullets of a different kind.

There’s mulletinos, femullets, skullets and the like,
And let’s not forget the common dyke spike.

If you’re lucky, you might even spot a male,
Proudly displaying a long rat-tail!

Mullets go by many a name,
But those who sport them are mostly the same.

Often you’ll spot them pissing in alleys,
Or clad in wife-beaters at monster truck rallies.

Sightings are common where they naturally roam-
Freely ‘round dirt lots behind their mobile homes.

Perhaps those with mullets are right when they say,
There’s no such thing as a bad hair day!

So God bless the mullet, the style I love to hate,
And the rednecks that sport them and think they look great!